“Guys, come on, Halloween is beneath us,” said self-righteous nerdy girl Maxine Jones after getting tripped by a cheerleader. “It’s just an excuse for girls with no brains not to treat themselves with respect.”

“Yeah, girls like that just want attention,” added Ethan Chase, the emo geek who’s secretly in love with the protagonist. “They’re always IMing and paging each other, and I bet they’ve never even snapped at a poetry slam.”

“Yeah, it’s totally hot,” said Chad Derekson, the douchebag quarterback boyfriend. “My girlfriend won’t put out most of the year, but on Halloween, all bets are off.”

At press time, the popular girls had gone to their Halloween parties wearing whatever they wanted, weren’t forced to put out, and still managed to have a bright future.