“We’re going to be facing a national shortage of hospital bills pretty soon,” warned Bruce Plank, CEO of the American Health Insurance Association. “If we don’t drastically ramp up printing of hospital bills, there’s no way we’re going to be able to charge all these thousands of coronavirus patients.”

With critically needed hospital bills in short supply, Plank noted that doctors and nurses across the country may soon have no choice but to take extreme measures, such as writing hospital bills by hand on napkins and sticky notes.

“Our health care infrastructure simply doesn’t have the capacity to bill for as many patients as we’re soon going to be seeing,” Plank admitted, stressing that there may be no way for insurers to collect payments without rapid action to nationalize hospital bill production. “Frankly, we’re begging for anyone to donate whatever blank invoices they can spare to support our fight against this pandemic.”

At press time, Plank urged Americans to prepare for a nationwide surge in medical bankruptcies.