“I just couldn’t help myself,” said Davis, the mysterious rock, which in any other context would have elicited a reverence strong enough to start entire religions, just kind of sitting on the table, beckoning him to take a lick. “I was completely transfixed, I knew then and there I was going to lick it.”
“Can I lick that lamp?” asked Davis, finally surrendering to his carnal desires after staring at the lamp yearningly for 20 minutes. “You know what, I’m just going to take a little nibble.”

At press time, the student asked to have a baby carrot out of the palm of their friend’s flat open hand.