There is something truly special about baseball. The ‘crack’ of bat hitting ball, the crisp nights in September when you can see your breath hang in the air, the sights and smells of the stadium. As great as it is, I still won’t marry it because it is a sport. I would never marry baseball. It just would not make any sense. I would marry a human.

If I were to marry a sport, it would probably be baseball though. Again, I have no plans on doing this.

Baseball is steeped in tradition. It is a great tradition and I love being a part of it. But one thing that is not a tradition in baseball is marrying the sport. It has never been done before, and I believe there are good reasons for that. Think for a second and I think you will agree with me that marrying baseball would be a crazy thing to do.

I love that baseball can be played anywhere: In the streets, in a backyard, or even in front of a roaring crowd. I would not marry baseball in any of those places, even though I could find it easily. Other people might love baseball so much that they want to marry it, but I doubt that. Certainly I am not one of them.

Baseball is a universal game—all you need is a stick and something to hit with it. But in order to marry someone they have to be a real flesh and blood person, who hopefully loves you and you love back. Baseball does not fit these parameters. It is a game with nine innings and lots of rules. This is a perfectly good reason to not marry baseball, even though I really love do love it.

Baseball, you’ve been good to me, but we’re never getting married.