If You Don't Come To This Mandatory SAO Meeting I Will Personally Shut Down Your Student Group, Ransack Your Home, And Kidnap Your Loved Ones You Entitled Goddamn Kids by Isaac Albanese

Published Friday, December 6th, 2019
Filed under Opinion

Remember, today is the last day to attend our MANDATORY SAO meeting. If your student group refuses to attend, I, Isaac Albanese, will personally shut down your student group, ransack your home, and kidnap your loved ones, you entitled goddamn kids.

This is your LAST WARNING. I’ve sent out so many reminders via BearSync, yet some of you still have the gall to not attend these meetings. This is UNACCEPTABLE.

All of us here at the SAO office put in blood, sweat, and tears to promote captivating meetings like Event Planning 101, and yet you ungrateful kids refuse to attend.

Well, no more. If you don’t come to this meeting, your group is DONE. No more tabling at the activities fair. No more school funding. You show up tonight, or I personally destroy everything you love and hold dear.

Listen, kids: I’m not above calling you out here. Shakespeare on the Green — you’ve had three chances to attend this meeting, yet still nothing? I’ll see to it that you NEVER perform again. BRYTE? I don’t care how many kids need tutors. If you don’t show up tonight, I will break into your offices and light them ablaze. Do you hear me?

Have you ever heard of the Brown Farm Club? I’ll bet you haven’t, and do you know why? They missed three MANDATORY meetings, and I had enough. I destroyed their club, and made sure their student leaders were expelled. Let them serve as a warning.

When I say MANDATORY, I mean it. Do not test the wrath of Isaac Albanese, or you will come to regret it.

I look forward to seeing you tonight in Peterutti Lounge for Event Planning 101. There will be free pizza.