“This picture is only giving me two paragraphs, maybe three,” reported dissatisfied critic Chris Friedman. “If the artist had only put in a little more effort, then maybe we’d have a respectable word count here.”

“Right now, this middling landscape isn’t worth more than a page,” continued Friedman, peering closer at the grazing cows in an attempt to gauge more about their backstories. “A few additional brushstrokes here and there, and the artist could have easily added several hundred words.”

At press time, a 2000-word essay was only worth half a picture.