According to witnesses, that rabbit is just really still. Illuminated by street lamps late in the evening, it can be seen doing absolutely nothing at all. “Even as I move closer it is still very still,” one eyewitness observed. “I mean, if you really examine it, you can maybe see its nose quivering. But that’s it.” By press time, the rabbit had finally scampered away to go be really still in a different location.
During a birthday sleepover last weekend, an unexpected text from Scott sent Emily’s slumber party into a fit of chaos. Reading simply, “happy bday,” the text caused birthday girl Emily Jefferson to shriek with unbridled excitement, interrupting a previously lackluster truth or dare circle.
According to sources, local motorcyclist Chris Walker was just vrooming with his mouth last Thursday. “I heard this really intense whirring sound,” said a witness to the scene, reporting that it was immediately clear that Mr. Walker was just substituting the rev of the engine with the fervent trilling of his lips.
According to reports, area man Charles Martin could scarcely endure the bout of tickling he was subjected to last Tuesday afternoon. “Ooooooh you better stop!” reported Martin, speaking through throaty chuckles and staggered breathes. “Guys! You know how ticklish I am—hehehehehe! Oh my goodness, I can barely brea—hahahahaha! Hooooh boy this is a lot!” At press time, Martin reported that guys, seriously, it’s getting to be a bit much.
Looking over at his classmate’s neighboring desk, sophomore Henry Gilbert was awestruck by his classmate’s really intense doodle of a whale.
“It started with just a small squiggle,” explained Gilbert, who was visibly astonished by the level of artistic detail.
Local man Steve Buckley has definitely lost track of the last time he washed his towel, sources report. “I only have one towel so I can’t just throw it into the machine whenever I want, you know what I mean?” commented Buckley, considering the limp, suspiciously pigmented piece of fabric hanging on the back of his door.