Upon returning home from the restaurant, Easton found himself seized with a peculiar sensation in his chest.

“It was like a burning in my heart that just wouldn’t stop,” Easton explained. “It made me want to go to the bathroom but also cry. And all I could think was that this must be it, that quintessential feeling of pride a father has for his son, a feeling I’d always longed to experience and finally, finally had,” Easton remarked.

“False alarm. Turned out to be some acid reflux from the sauce on that Chicken Tikka. Spicy spicy!” he added, “My son is still a disappointment.”

The incident caused Easton to question the validity of some of his most emotional moments over the course of his life.

“Did I really want to marry Betty, or did I just have a little gas? Was I sad when Mom died, or did I just need to poop? I’ll never know,” Easton remarked. “I can’t remember the specific gastro-intestinal context of these moments. These questions haunt me every day.”

He added, “Or maybe they don’t and I just need to burp or something.”