“When I saw a third tissue box on his desk, I thought ‘Hey! Is Jeff some creep who needs four or five tissue boxes because he uses so many tissues?’” said classmate Greg Chelimo. “But he just had three—that’s clearly just a really convenient number of boxes to have on hand.”

Witnesses reported there was only one tissue box next to the bed, which could come in handy if Jeff was sick in bed, but could certainly not fuel the sexual deviancy of a total creep-o. Another box at his desk was almost empty, but witnesses noted that you need a lot of tissues there in case you watch a sad video on your computer.

“Now, the tissue box by the door, that caught me off guard,” said Jeff’s dad, Mr. Baily. “For some reason, I was afraid he needed to wipe his hands off before reemerging from a night of self-fulfilled lechery. But if Jeffrey is headed to class and needs to blow his nose, that’s the perfect place for tissues!”

In other news, Jeff’s new bottle of Lubriderm is definitely a must-have skincare item, according to inspired visitors.