“In every way possible, we’re trying to put the last four years behind us,” said the First Lady’s press secretary, Michael LaRosa. “That includes scrapping misguided, half-baked programs like Melania Trump’s ‘Be Best’ initiative, so that the nation can feel comfortable insulting children on the internet again.”
“The First Lady understands the importance of leading by example,” continued LaRosa, distributing a small how-to guide on insulting children. “Melania Trump was an aloof and detached First Lady, but Jill Biden will roll up her sleeves and participate. Just yesterday she told a middle schooler on Twitter that the old guy from Up called and he wants his glasses back. Really rough stuff like that.”
“Every nation has its pastime, and every high school has its weak link," said LaRosa, introducing the White House’s Recommitment to Online Harassment Initiative. "As we work to return this country to normalcy after a tumultuous four years, let me just say: It’s hunting season, America. Get to work.”
At press time, Biden’s office vowed that there would be no repeat of Melania Trump’s embarrassing plagiarism scandal, because Dr. Biden is far too savvy to get caught.