“I’m not sure how I’m supposed to do a p-set in this mood lighting,” Eric Hartman said, laying his notebook conspicuously over his lap. “It’s completely impossible to read anything in here. I feel like the only thing I can see at this hour is the dusky figure of some beautiful stranger sitting by the picture window.”

“Actually, I don’t have any complaints about the lighting situation,” said Julia Smith, who, rather than a backpack, brought to the Campus Center merely a thermos of red wine and a copy of the Kama Sutra. “I think the chandeliers and the dim lamps provide exactly the right amount of light for the work I came here to do.”

At press time, harsh SciLi lighting keeps killing the mood for students trying to rub one out during study breaks.