“It’s hard not having a name that rhymes with pain, hurt, or call,” said attorney Leon Marcinkiewicz, wondering if “Did your car have a stinky glitch? Call Marcinkiewicz!” might sound a little too much like a mechanic. “No one’s gonna take me seriously if I don’t have a snappy slogan.”

“These other lawyers don’t know how easy they have it,” continued Marcinkiewicz. “Howie Griswald’s billboard practically writes itself! I mean, ‘Owie? Call Howie!’ — that’s gold! Curse my immigrant parents for not choosing to change their name to something simpler and more rhymeable like ‘Lane.’

At press time, Marcinkiewicz continued to struggle to get a phone number with seven repeating digits in it.