“Kit has been working so hard all semester, and it’s definitely nice to see her bringing her ideas into the world,” Lanith’s friend Greta Friedman said as Lanith began reciting a series of metaphors comparing her uterus to a cave. “At the same time, I did think there would be, like, a bit more to it than repeating the words ‘child-rearing’ in a slam-poetry-style rhythm for the better part of an hour.”

At one point during the presentation, Lanith reportedly shut off the lights in the room to emulate the darkness of her prenatal chamber before describing the intricacies of her own anatomy.

“What Kit does is so cool,” Friedman said as Lanith began to read another original poem about her personal gynecological information. “But, yeah, I’m sort of wondering what she’s been doing all year if her final portfolio is, like, mostly just reciting synonyms for ‘birth canal.’”

At press time, a geology thesis was just three hours of holding up old rocks.