“It was dope when he did it at Josh’s laser tag birthday,” said Michael’s best friend Kyle, looking anywhere but at Michael’s floor-wriggling. “None of us knew he had it in him. We all circled around and clapped a little bit. But then there was the time on the table in the lunchroom. And also in Aidan’s basement. Oh yeah and after my cousin’s baptism. It’s pretty clear he’s gonna squeeze every last drop out of this like he did with the armpit farting.”

“Sometimes I wonder whether he knows this whole thing is getting old,” continued Kyle, doing everything he can not to encourage Brandon’s little brother. “After he learned to burp his ABCs, I couldn’t stand him for like 3 years.”

Sources watching Brandon’s little sister perform “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” on ukulele reported that she needs to find a new thing.