“P-U!” screamed onsmeller Lou Zhang, holding his nose and fanning the air right as Hardy Milton spread his cheeks and crop dusted the whole venue, just like a pet who couldn’t hold its bladder for one more minute peeing on the heirloom living room rug. “Who just let it rip?! It smells like someone dropped a big fat dookie on the table!”

“Grossssss!!” exclaimed Zhang, pulling his polo over his nose as Milton took surreptitious glances around the room to make sure no one saw him let it loose, just like a pet pooch sniffing around to make sure there was no way his owners could have caught him in the act. “Talk about silent but deadly! I feel like there’s a gas leak in the building or something!”

“I think I’m gonna throw up,” moaned Zhang, taking heavy breaths out of his mouth and squeezing his eyes shut as Milton slowly crawled out of the room like how Ruff Ruff Rover skirted out of the living room into the den so there would be no way this sinful deed could ever be traced back to him. “Whoever did this, I’m coming for you. I cannot believe the dirty gall of this man.”

At press time, local man’s farts were very loud but shockingly stink-free.