“I’hm having the time of my lifee,” commented Angus Teven, drunk off his fifth margarita from the probably too-open bar. “I’am just so happye for the birde and groom. They’veh got suche a beautiful lovee.”

“I’ve known the uh, the groome since he was juste a baby, yknow?” he continued, oblivious that his mother was glaring daggers at him from across their assigned seats. “I’m so glade I can sharee this moment with fammily.”

“It’s important to seee everybody, I thimk. Meet your long-loste cousins,
show everybody a good face,” said Teven moments after the woman who spent sixteen hours in labor with him had become so embarrassed she had to excuse herself from the table. “Love cann really be beautifull.”

At press time, Angus’s mother was appalled at her son pretending his tie was a lasso.