The list designates every student in one of the two categories and is necessary to decide who will get free meals at Bacaro, and who will be left with nothing.

“Danny Smith was a very good boy,” said Granoff of the sophomore BEO concentrator. “And a very good son of Daniel Smith, CEO of Costco. So he’ll be getting a nice internship at Microsoft this Christmas.”

“Paula Tirel was very bad,” he continued. “Her parents haven’t donated any money to the school outside of the $72,000 per year tuition. Selfishness like that lands you right on the naughty list."

At press time, the naughty students were getting coal from factories run by the well-behaved, well-connected students.