“The beginning is mostly all exposition,” urged O’Shaunessy, showing off his own mangled Bible complete with annotations and tabs. “But you can’t blame it for being a little sluggish. God had a lot of background and world-building to establish, so it naturally takes a bit to really get into.”

“I promise once you get past the first 39 books, it becomes a real page-turner,” continued O’Shaunessy, offering to lend over his copy as long as they promised to give it back. “I don’t want to spoil anything, but the minute Our Savior Jesus Christ gets introduced you won’t be able to put it down.”

“You know how many movie adaptations they made out of God’s word? The Passion of the Christ, Ben-Hur, Noah, Jonah: A VeggieTales Movie, all classic films,” stressed O’Shaunessy, while maintaining that the book is obviously better than the movie. “All these God-fearing production executives knew not to get turned off simply by the Bible’s possibly slow start. It’s a hero’s journey, so clearly God wasn’t going to begin with all the action.”

At press time, O’Shaunessy cautioned to avoid the spin-off series like the Book of Mormon or the New World Translation since they were basically irrelevant and didn’t even have the same author.