Wednesday, April 14, 2021
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The Brown Noser

Stephanie Stiles

Writer

Stephanie's articles

Report: Understanding Nod Should Suffice As Participation | Apr 09 2021

In order to get credit for her ENGL 0101B Zoom discussion section, Elvira Dos Santos ’22 timidly stepped into the conversation with a firm understanding nod that she believed should suffice as participation. “This should be enough of a contribution to the discussion from me today, I think," Dos Santos said, bobbing her head lightly in response to a comment from a classmate and glancing to make sure she was still muted.

Man With Scar Arrives To Collect Firstborn Child As Per Apple Privacy Terms And Agreements | Mar 12 2021

Shortly after Melissa and Steven Withers welcomed their first baby into the world, a man with a scar arrived to collect the child as per the Apple privacy terms and agreements. “The clause appears in subsection 19 on page 497 and stipulates the surrender of our first heir or heiress on the eve of its birth,” said Steven Withers, skimming through the online contract he signed four months prior.

Verily Would Like To Remind You To Shape The Fuck Up And Schedule Your God Damn Appointment You Irresponsible Shit | Mar 12 2021

After sophomore Lilly Botsby went a week without getting a COVID-19 test, Verily sent her an email reminder to shape the fuck up and schedule her God damn appointment. “Our records show that, as of 8:00AM this morning, you have not completed a routine COVID-19 test in the past four days, you irresponsible shit,” read the email.