“Every day I yearn to escape from this heart-wrenching prison,” explained Garcia, referring to their tragic confinement to university-enforced social bubbles. “Oh, Rob… My love! What light through yonder window breaks? Please text me back. I want to FaceTime again.”

“I pray that one day ere long we’ll break free from these damn’d pods,” Winters said, cursing the 0.4 miles that separate the couple. “Foul plague! Why must thou banish my love? We were supposed to go on a weekend trip to New Hampshire in October and I was really excited about it. Ugh.”

“Rob hath come to mine window yesternight,” Winters recalled wistfully, remembering the thrill of seeing her boyfriend after campus-wide safety measures advised against inter-pod gatherings. “He likened me to the sun — from a safe and healthy distance of six feet.”

At press time, the couple was rigging up can phones between their dorms.