“It’s totally cool if we can’t, but we sure would like to,” the nation’s roommates made clear in the statement, echoing the sentiments of many statements they’ve released in the past to request just a little teeny, tiny, very fast hit of that. “We promise it’ll be just the one hit, we’re lightweights anyway.”

“We’re just kind of in a funk right now, and even the smallest of hits we think would really do the trick right about now,” announced the roommates loud and clear while remaining very chill and good for whatever. Analysts are in agreement that the country’s roommates probably have a lot going on and would really love to let loose tonight, and a puny, tiny, harsh, speedy, little hit will make it happen for them. “Also we might do work later. We’re not trying to melt into the couch or anything, just a little release, you catch our meaning? So yeah, just the one hit.”

“But really, we just want to make sure you know that it’s not a problem if it’s a no go,” declared the roommates, their collective hands already on the bowl. “We know this is your stuff so you shouldn’t feel bad about saying no.”

At press time, the roommates of America announced plans to maybe think about considering getting their own stuff.