“Hop, hop, hop, all night long. They bounce on that bed like they can’t stop, like they’re a couple of rabbits or something,” said Lipowitz. The couple in question had begun jumping shortly after meeting on Monday night, he reported.

“My mom never let me jump on any of the beds at home or when we went to a hotel,” Lipowitz continued. “She said it was disrespectful and bad for the beds. But she also said that I would be meeting a lot of new people at college, and that I shouldn’t judge them for being different. The neighbors’ moms must be really cool and not care how much they jump on beds.”

Lipowitz claimed that at this point he is more worried about the couple’s safety than his interrupted sleep. “Almost every night I hear them moaning or groaning, probably from hitting their heads on the ceiling or stubbing their toes on the bedposts. But even then they don’t stop! They just jump on the bed harder than before. It’s like they enjoy it or something,” he said. “I hate stubbing my toe.”

Lipowitz conceded that college was perhaps one of the last times in a person’s life they could indulge in such childish pursuits. “After this, they’re going to have to grow up and deal with the real world.”

“Of course,” he added, “along with all of the responsibilities of life after college come certain adult pleasures. Spin the bottle anyone?”