“We will begin construction early next month, and expect it to continue through the next calendar year,” wrote Res Life director Brenda Ice, snickering maliciously at the unnecessary inconvenience that this will cause you. “On weekdays, construction will begin at 7:00 am and will cease at 5:00 pm. We know that construction is disruptive to students’ schedules, so construction start-time will be pushed from 7:00 to 7:30 am in order to accommodate students who wish to sleep in.”

“This new building will not be available for student use until June 2024," Brenda continued, knowing well that you graduate in May of 2024. “Additionally, the main entrance to any dorms in the immediate vicinity of this construction will be closed for the duration of the building process.”

At press time, the Ratty was serving plain mushrooms again just to fuck with you.