“I mean, first, highways are really long and made of concrete,” said Dana Carell, research supervisor, while searching life for overpasses and carpool lanes. “Life doesn’t have any mile markers or road signs, and there aren’t any maps or GPS systems that can explain it for you.”

“While it is entirely possible to ride a highway all night long, one cannot use that strategy in life indefinitely,” added Carell after checking to see whether life contained any rest stops or toll booths. “Sure, you can stay awake all night, but eventually, you’ll need to sleep.”

“And yes, there are various points in life when you bend, stand, and turn your back to the wind,” said Carell as she looked behind darkened doors for a world where the blues wouldn’t haunt her anymore. “But unlike a highway, there are some loads the human body cannot hold! Our tests have shown that asphalt is much more durable than flesh.”

At press time, scientists had concluded, contrary to popular belief, that it sometimes can be beneficial to stop believing.