“We just thought, why the hell not?” said Apple’s marketing director Cecilia Anthony. “I mean, people are gonna buy our phones no matter what. At this point we could offer our customers steaming piles of shit with six pointless cameras and those idiots would pay $1800. We have nothing to lose.”

The ad was designed with Apple’s trademark minimalism in mind. It opens by impactfully spitting in your face. In a clear and attractive font, the slogan “iPhone: You’re Gonna Want It Anyway,” appears on your screen. The ad closes with an Apple logo appearing over the words “Fucking consumer.”

“It’s like stealing candy from a baby,” Anthony added, scoffing at how ridiculously easy it is to get people to keep buying the same shit with a different name year after year. “I mean, seriously. These fools. These poor suckers. We could offer them a bottle of piss with facial recognition technology and they would lust over it like the brainless, consumerist sheep they are.”

At press time, iPhone owners were seen telling their Samsung-owning friends how much more user-friendly getting spat on by Apple is.