Thursday, February 27, 2020
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The Brown Noser

Maria Sofia Pena

Writer

Maria's articles

Chill Brown Student Genuinely Doesn’t Care About Final Exam, Seriously She Didn’t Even Study At All, She Promises | Dec 06 2019

Over the past week, super chill Brown student Roberta Smith has informed multiple friends and classmates that she genuinely doesn’t care about her final exam for that one really intense Political Science class she’s taking, seriously she didn’t even study at all, she promises.

Incoming Freshman Ready To Leave Petty High School Drama Behind, Start New, Sophisticated College Drama | Sep 13 2019

Incoming Brown University freshman Lauren Hobard recently expressed how ready she felt to leave behind immature, petty high school drama and start new, sophisticated college drama. “I’m just so over high school drama,” Hobard said. “High school was just a bunch of childish gossip and rumors being spread about everybody.

New Study Finds If You Post Snapchat Story With Socially Conscious Filter, You Don't Need to Vote | Apr 19 2019

A new study released by the Center for American Progress found that if you post a Snapchat story with a socially conscious filter, you don’t need to vote. In fact, you’ve actually done enough social activism for the rest of your life. “Researchers have found that posting a Snapchat story with a filter actually critically shapes political outcomes,” Political scientist and theorist John Sanderson remarked.

Guilty Environmental Scientist Just A Little Bit Grateful For Global Warming On This Beautiful, Warm, Winter Day | Mar 08 2019

In a recent interview about the earth’s changing climate, Dr. Henry Carther, environmental scientist and activist, remarked somewhat guiltily that he was just a little bit grateful for global warming on this beautiful, warm, winter day. “The sun is out and the birds are chirping," Dr.

Kid Eating Alone Really Making Eye Contact With Every Person Passing By | Dec 07 2018

Freshman David Kline, sitting alone in a central area of the Ratty, was making direct, prolonged eye contact with every person who passed by his table. "I didn’t know if he wanted me to sit with him or something,” mused fellow freshman Katrina Sanders. “Maybe he confused me for someone else? Eventually I just waved at him but he immediately looked away.” After leaving the Ratty, Kline reportedly continued making prolonged eye contact with every person who passed him on the sidewalk.

Report: It’s True, RISD Students Are 500% Cooler Than You, Don’t Even Look At Them, You Worthless Scum | Oct 26 2018

A recent report put out by researchers at Brown University has verified suspicions that RISD students are 500% cooler than you. “It’s true,” confirmed lead researcher Dr. Ann-Marie Buegler, “RISD students are just in a completely different league.