“We met almost three weeks ago now and it’s been a whirlwind,” said James, carving his initials into a tree that endured both the entirety of the Hundred Years War and modern industrialization. “I’m even thinking that pretty soon I might ask her to be exclusive.”

“I haven’t known James for that long but things have been great,” added Sarah, disfiguring one of Earth’s most ancient and majestic entities as she scratched out a small heart. “He loves Friends and The Beatles, so I guess we’re pretty compatible!”

At press time, Sarah was snapping a monogrammed padlock onto a bridge with immense historical value.