“A 6-foot tall, 70-year-old white man with facial hair and a stocky build was spotted fleeing the premises around 0000 hours last night,” warned local police officer Neal Loter, horrified that such a heinous break-in would occur on Christmas Eve of all nights. “Check for stolen goods, and don’t let your children near any unmarked packages he may have left.”

“According to evidence on the scene, the elderly man entered the home via chimney,” continued Loter, worrying for the safety of all the neighborhood children in such dark times. “He even ate the cookies right off the counter!”

At press time, a local fairy was harvesting the teeth of children and paying them mere pennies in compensation.