“I really thought Timmy knew by now,” said Listings, remembering how he let it slip that the concept of love is complete fiction in an offhand joke. “I mean, the kid is twelve. All the other kids in his class knew, so I figured at least one friend would have told him already.”

“I’ll admit Mom and Dad kept up a good charade for a long time, but I didn’t realize he still believed it,” continued Listings, recalling Timmy’s eyes losing their childhood innocence as he made the error. “Obviously I feel bad, but I’m kind of relieved we don’t have to go through the whole rigmarole of pretending love is real for another year.”

At press time, Listings accidentally dropped the news that death is the only constant.