“The Academy has never been as progressive as it is right now,” said president Janet Yang before announcing the all white and almost all male Best Director nominations. “Don’t quote me on this because I’m not allowed to say anything, but chances for Emilia Pérez are looking really good. We can’t wait to award a film that properly portrays the experience that so many transgender folks go through, or at least the ones that are leaders of Mexican cartels.”

“We can’t say much else, but Audiard is such a one-of-a-kind director. He really knows how to portray the life of a transgender character,” continued Yang, assuring that any movie whose protagonist is a minority has a significant chance of winning an Oscar as long as it’s directed by a white man. “I can’t wait to see history being made this March. A great movie like this could only win an Oscar in today’s day and age because it uplifts the trans community and it’s directed by a guy named Jacques.”

At press time, the Oscars also announced they were ready to award a movie about female sex work because it’s directed by a man from New Jersey.