“I think we can all agree that cast iron skillets are great. They offer superior heat retention for even cooking, durability, and versatility. They can even leach some iron into your food, improving your iron intake. Most importantly, they naturally develop a non-stick surface that is free of the harmful chemicals found in non-stick pans,” admitted Karan Chopra, lead investigator at the Food and Drug Administration, as he attempted to emulsify his grandma’s rich, thick, polymer-based sauce. “However, our research has shown that these toxin-free benefits are greatly subdued when the pan is used to cook pasta in any kind of Teflon-based sauce. If you’re using a cast iron skillet, I would definitely steer clear of such a recipe.”

At press time, Chopra’s spaghetti seemed cooked, but refused to stick to any surfaces.