“I’ve always heard it skips a generation which would be really lucky because neither of us are really known for our looks,” said Ashton’s mother Sarah Pollack, holding for the first time her newborn son whose name will be absolutely ridiculous if he turns out ugly. “I guess at this point there’s nothing left to do but cross our fingers.”

“We were thinking maybe Burt or Gus because in the case that he starts getting really asymmetrical we don’t want to constantly be answering questions," said Ashton’s father Clark, praying to God that his kid will turn out as hot as his name requires. "But look, I’ve got a really good feeling about this kid.”

At press time, some nearby parents who named their kid Myrtle were really hoping she’ll like to knit.