“I’m so incredibly sorry; I know that this is tough,” Dougherty said solemnly, steadily delivering the achingly terrible news as he tugged a bit on his necktie featuring Tweety Bird in a Santa hat. “But know that we aren’t going down without a fight.”

Witnesses have also confirmed that as Dougherty spoke, he held heartbreaking x-rays in a manilla envelope near inches away from the necktie emblazoned with a confused Tasmanian Devil all tangled up in Christmas lights.

“I won’t mince words with you: these next couple months will be rough,” continued Dougherty, struggling to hold back tears which yearned to fall on the fabric image of Bugs Bunny munching on a Candy Cane and Daffy Duck all wrapped up in a big red bow. “But with enough hope, we might just stand a fighting chance.”

Dougherty then ended the delivery of his prognosis by handing out stickers and a lollipop.