“This is unacceptable,” said a cappella czar Catherine Nelson ’23, flipping through cards that insist that one auditionee is a “lily-livered landlubber” and another deserves “only the stalest hardtack and dregs from the ol’ grog barrel.” “I wish I could say ‘hornswaggling wenches’ was the worst of it, but I’m afraid not. The a cappella community is repulsed by this harmful language, which goes so far as to call some students ‘scabby, no-good sea tramps’ and ‘wretched, squiffy landlubbers.’”

The allegations, released via an anonymous Dear Blueno post, accuse ARRR!!! of judging auditionees on superficial traits, such as “proneness to scurvy” and “manginess,” rather than singing aptitude.

“We are working with ARRR!!! so they can understand the deep-running impacts of their group’s behavior,” Nelson concluded, expressing hope that ARRR!!! will change their ways, instead hailing auditionees for “voices that sound like the cry o’ bloody sirens” and “the rhythm of a swashbuckling jig cap’n." “I’m hopeful that they will stand accountable for these detestable actions and seriously reexamine the toxic traditions they have been complicit in for years.”

At press time, The Brown Derbies were accused of wearing stupid fucking hats.