“It hasn’t happened yet, but, man oh man, that would be a disaster!” said Kaufman, adding that he sighs with relief every time he gets a strike instead of dropping the 13-pound ball on his “big ol’ toe” and hopping up and down “like a buffoon.”

“I mean talk about an owie owieeee oh! My great big toe would be flattened like a pancake.” At press time, Kaufman was seen pumping his fist because he spared a 7-10 split without accidentally tripping and throwing himself into the gutter.