“I’ve been teaching here for the past three decades, and I know what you’re thinking. Yes, Isabella Von Thurber was one of my students,” Professor Walsh proudly told his lecture class as they stared at him blankly. “Who knows, maybe one of you will go on to do great things like her.”

According to reports, students rarely recognize any of the names Professor Walsh shares with the class.

“During my travels though Scotland in the late ’70s, I befriended a young Gregory Marshall,” Professor Walsh bragged, pausing between slides and grinning at his entirely-unenthused class. “He’d yet to dream up his magnum opus, of course. But I like to think I contributed a little something to its beginnings.”

At press time, Professor Walsh recommended a French arthouse film about skin that won an award no one had ever heard of.