“I was totally astonished by those small, brownish spheres,” Greyford recalled, shoveling lettuce onto his plate. “First, I thought it was mini pasta, or maybe mini meat. Now I believe it to be a grain of some kind. It defies categorization in a way that makes me thrilled and uncomfortable.”

“I’m not advanced enough to utilize quinoa,” Greyford continued, pausing to deliberate before adding three croutons to his salad. “Salads are all about lettuce, so that’s what I prefer to focus on. While this quinoa is incredibly alluring, even a frugal sprinkle could cast my salad into disarray. Hmm, should I add a cherry tomato, or would that overpower the iceberg?”

“Woah, what the hell is that guy doing?” Greyford gasped, watching a fellow student add quinoa, chickpeas, pickled radish, and tempeh to a decadent pile of mixed greens. “He’s distributing that quinoa like a pro despite his plate’s complex diversity of flavor and texture! Do you think he’d take me on as an apprentice?”

At press time, Ratty chicken stunned nobody.