Lily's articles
In recent news, that student film was definitely filmed by students.
“This camera work… well, clearly a student was holding the camera,” stated Rhode Island International Film Festival programming coordinator Avery Lachland, squinting at the film’s shaky, slightly unfocused opening scene of a young man smoking on a fire escape.
Pat Greyford, who only recently began making salads by himself, was stunned by his first quinoa encounter.
“I was totally astonished by those small, brownish spheres,” Greyford recalled, shoveling lettuce onto his plate. “First, I thought it was mini pasta, or maybe mini meat.
David Ross, director of Brown University Facilities, recently announced that the Ruth J. Simmons Quad reopening will be delayed because construction workers are having an absolute blast digging holes.
“I have no power over them,” stated Ross as a jubilant horde of shovel-bearing construction workers ran rampant across the quad.
Philosophy student Zachary O’Connor is thrilled that some girl he’s seeing finally wants to discuss the long-debated “what are we?" question.
“Oh, Emma? We hook up and get meals, but we’ve never engaged in metaphysical inquiry,” O’Connor explained, sending a GIF of an exploding brain in response to Emma’s anxious message.
In recent news from the Center for Career Exploration, sophomore Joe Swenson received crucial guidance from fellow sophomore Hannah Morrison.
“After talking to Hannah, I feel super confident about my trajectory,” Swenson gushed, eagerly inserting a bullet-pointed description of his unpaid summer camp job into the Career Center’s downloadable resume template.
According to scientists, the Bermuda Triangle could theoretically catch more planes if it were square-shaped.
“After extensive analysis, we’ve determined that the triangle shape is probably suboptimal for trapping planes and making them disappear,” announced head researcher Harold Latimer, drawing several large circles around a picture of a square taped to his whiteboard.
In recent news, that Bar & Grille restaurant hasn’t really been earning the “e” at the end of its name.
“I was anticipating rustic yet thoughtful cuisine, perhaps with a Tuscan edge,” said customer Robert Appleton, taking a dejected sip from his glass of room temperature Sprite.
Recent reports have confirmed that a local clown troupe will never need to order that UberXL.
“What can we say, we love our small vehicles!” explained troupe leader Boingo Bongo, scrolling through the Uber app while juggling five bowling pins.
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