“We haven’t seen this level of parasitic representation in government since former Vice President Cheney,” noted presidential historian Gordon McGee, referring to the hominid-sized parasite attached to George W. Bush from 2001 to 2009. “The Cabinet has become inclusive of all colors and creeds in recent years, but it rarely welcomes marginalized species like the pork tapeworm.”

“Our administration gets a bad rap for no reason,” said the worm from his residence in RFK Jr.’s frontal lobe. “The critics may say otherwise, but I know I serve a president truly committed to diversity. And I’m truly honored to be serving this administration as HHS Deputy Secretary."

“As a child, I never thought I, of all creatures, would end up at the upper echelons of government,” continued the worm tearfully (or as close to that as his eyeless, tear duct-less, vermicular form could manage). “But Dick Cheney showed me that even a little parasite like myself could make it to the top. I’m proud to carry on his legacy and continue speaking for a long-ignored subset of Americans. You may not notice us inside your brains and bowels, but we, too, are here—from sea to shining undercooked Shake Shack burger.”

At press time, RFK Jr. was breaking barriers as the last Kennedy to ever hold public office.