“We believe that public awareness of this blockhead is paramount,” continued the report, listing important precautions such as snickering and discreetly looking without making a big deal out of it. “This numbskull and his foolish pursuits need your attention.”

“Do not confront the idiot, and be sure to maintain an appropriate distance at all times,” the report warned, remarking that often the goofiest-looking of fellas are the most unpredictable. “Maintaining this distance is vital, lest others start to get a load of you, too.”

At press time, it was reported that this guy was actually getting a load of you.