Report: The Cow Has Woken Up

Published Friday, December 6th, 2019
Filed under Off Campus

The cow, previously asleep, woke up today in what many described as an exciting turn of events. Onlookers were seen to gasp and even cheer. “He’s been asleep for hours,” one eyewitness said. “So this is big.”

Prior to this, multiple reports confirmed that the cow had gone to sleep. This morning’s developments, though, have made it increasingly clear that the cow is now awake. “I think it’s safe to say that I’ve woken up,” said the cow.

Having decisively ended his slumber, the cow proceeded to stand up. No other movement has been reported as of yet, and estimates of how long this awakened state will last are inconclusive.

“This is the kind of thing that really makes you think about the moment you’re living in,” commented one onlooker. “I mean, who knows what he’ll do next?”

At press time, the goat was still asleep.