“It’s just way easier,” says Anderson Smith, head of the Green Recycling Initiative at the Ratty. “It saves us a lot of time. Instead of having to open up, clean out, disinfect, and give each one back to the students to ensure an efficient and planet-conscious use of plastic, we just throw them out and buy some new ones. It’s a win-win for everybody involved.”

“I’m honestly surprised no one has thought of this yet,” continued Smith, discarding his reusable water bottle for a new, cleaner one. “We can get rid of the extra work entirely by throwing them directly in the trash. When we’re really pressed for time, we just burn the excess in a giant pyre.”

At press time, campus bathrooms cut down on wasteful paper towel use by not giving you any.