Report: They Clean The Takeaway Containers At The Ratty By Throwing Them Into The Trash

Published Friday, December 13th, 2024
Filed under Campus Life

“It’s just way easier,” says Anderson Smith, head of the Green Recycling Initiative at the Ratty. “It saves us a lot of time. Instead of having to open up, clean out, disinfect, and give each one back to the students to ensure an efficient and planet-conscious use of plastic, we just throw them out and buy some new ones. It’s a win-win for everybody involved.”

“I’m honestly surprised no one has thought of this yet,” continued Smith, discarding his reusable water bottle for a new, cleaner one. “We can get rid of the extra work entirely by throwing them directly in the trash. When we’re really pressed for time, we just burn the excess in a giant pyre.”

At press time, campus bathrooms cut down on wasteful paper towel use by not giving you any.