“Surrealist Americans are tired of a president who has brought them nothing but high deficits, the artificial falsity of linear thought and the murder of the subconscious,” said Romney, as he shot small animals toward the Mexico City Federal Building out of a cannon. “The President may think he can get by with the same old liberal dogmas, but I would respond to that by shoving these cantaloupes up my nose.”

Added Romney, as he ripped off his jacket to reveal a bodysuit embroidered with the faces of history’s greatest dictators, “Here I go!”