“I just don’t know how we’re gonna get through this,” said devastated husband Jamie Lucero as he pointed down to a full pack of Gerber baby food, a puddle of banana-apple puree slipping down his chin. “It just tastes so good, but we bought so much.”

“This has been a terribly difficult year for us. I’ve turned to drinking,” said his wife Maya, barely legible, as she chugged a cup of Happy Baby Organics Stage 2 Baby Food Pouch. “I drink them every day. They just taste so good. Like, why do they taste so good? And they’re Keto. Watch me have a body-ody-ody this summer. Literally watch me.”

At press time, the couple started selling “Diapers, Half-Worn Because Comfy.”