“I was sworn in. I had a very contentious Senate confirmation hearing. I have my own office. You can call the President and ask him if you don’t believe me.”

Vilsack further claims that his is an important position, that he is the 30th proud man to hold it, and that the safety and quality of all food produced in the nation are his direct responsibility. Furthermore, he keeps shouting to no one in particular, the U.S. Department of Agriculture is about so much more than farming these days. It has its hand in issues concerning rural communities, livestock and corn-based biofuels. Anyone trying to get anything done inside the Beltway has Tom Vilsack to contend with first.

“The 15 percent tax the administration levied on Christmas tree sellers in 2011? Well, implementation was delayed because it was an unpopular policy—but that was my project. That project was mine. You can call the President and ask him yourself if you’d like.”

Vilsack would also like people to know that he is number nine in the Presidential Line of Succession and that, if the President, Vice President, Speaker of the House, President pro tempore, Secretary of State, Acting Secretary of Treasury, Secretary of Defense, Attorney General and Secretary of the Interior were all to die horribly, he, Tom Vilsack, would be President of the United States of America.