“With its vast selection of alcohols, visitors would flock to the GCB from all across campus,” said Brooksfield, speaking about the campus bar like it was a mythical empire lost in the depths of the ocean. “But a horrible plague left the city crumbling behind a locked door in Grad Center E.”

“At the GCB, drinks would flow freely into goblets sipped by undergrads and grad students alike,” continued Brooksfield, invoking images of opulent feasts among merpeople in the mythical city. “But today, they all drink in solace, mourning the loss of their beloved watering hole.”

“The remains of the pool table and dart board collect dust as nobody has set foot in the GCB in almost an entire year,” added Brooksfield, telling a tale of how a roaming sophomore managed to get access to the abandoned bar last semester before being caught. “Some swear that if you stand in the middle of Thayer, you can hear a crowd of thirsty seniors dancing a merry jig.”

At press time, a sophomore was talking about dorm parties like they were a Roman bacchanal.