“Blueno is my son,” Turner reported in a complete monotone, as the color in her face drained and her eyes glazed over. “Ha. Ha. I love him more than anything. Should I get a tattoo of him? That’d be crazy. For spring break I’m planning on visiting his yellow twin in that Qatar airport. Just kidding. Ha.”

“I live on John Street but my real home is Blueno’s hollow interior,” the 22-year-old droned as a rivulet of drool trailed down her chin. “And Urs Fischer is my God.”

At press time, the hands of an otherwise-paralyzed Turner were flying across her keyboard, generating a mountain of Blueno-specific memes.