“I have a good feeling about this one, I really do,” remarked Rose, who went “Full Send” for the CCB Senior Scramble in a final Hail Mary attempt to meet her one true love. “Like CCB’s flyer mentioned, I don’t want to graduate with any regrets. I know my future husband is out there waiting for me, and I have the utmost faith that CCB will bring us together.”

“Ooh, Christopher is kinda cute, I think?” commented Rose of her match, one of the six guys available to choose from on CCB’s list of randos with awfully slim chances of being compatible partners. “I’ve never seen this man before, and maybe it is a bit peculiar that none of my friends have heard of him either, but he’s my Romeo, I can feel it. If CCB says he’s the one, then I know my work is over: I’ve found my life partner.”

At press time, the two went on a single 40-minute date to Coffee Exchange before never speaking to each other again.