Shitty Folk Musician Not Sad

Published Friday, March 6th, 2020
Filed under Off Campus

“This man is a disgrace,” said attendee Marla Junkins, explaining that Greenspan’s beautiful guitar playing and gentle voice did not make up for his bizarrely content disposition. “Why is he not on the verge of tears? Why is his voice not breaking with anguish? I don’t know how he considers himself part of the American folk tradition.”

Greenspan apparently failed to sing about his lack of direction, lost loves, hopeless wanderings, bitter memories, or the crushing weight of the world.

“He seemed genuinely happy with the state of his life,” Junkins continued with a scoff. “I don’t think he’s ever walked along a highway in the pouring rain with nothing but his guitar and the clothes on his back. How are we supposed to take this guy seriously?”

After the show, witnesses were surprised to see Greenspan talking amicably with audience members, instead of sitting alone in an alleyway and wondering where it all went wrong.