“I never expected Mike, Tim, Steve, Brad, and Brett to leave the game,” said Dwyer, who enters the game untested outside of practice. “I hope all of their collarbones heal quickly.”

Dwyer, who has enjoyed perfect health over the first 11 weeks of the season, will be calling signals against the number one pass rush in the state of Rhode Island. Linebacker Marshall “Big” Weathers, the star of the Lion’s defense, is the cause of most of Dwyer’s worry. Big’s 13 recorded sacks on five distinct Thunderbolt quarterbacks shattered the previous record, as well as five distinct collarbones and various ribs.

Dwyer added that he was “very excited to get a chance to play” and then proceeded to repeat it to himself over and over like a mantra as he put an extra couple sets of pads on under and over his jersey.

At press time, seventh string quarterback Dave Norton was holding a flashlight to a thermometer.